


Dia I'm Pregnant And You're The Father

by AleneShazam



Category: Love Live! School Idol Festival (Video Game), Love Live! School Idol Project, Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: Crack, Dia is a sane woman in a smutty crackfic, Dia learns how to use a penis, F/F, Fluff and Smut, Futa Dia, Futanari
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-28
Updated: 2017-07-28
Packaged: 2018-12-08 05:59:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11640387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AleneShazam/pseuds/AleneShazam
Summary: Mari springs the big news on Dia, and then they fuck. Kanan's also there, I guess.[DiaMariKanan futa future crackfic]





	Dia I'm Pregnant And You're The Father

**Author's Note:**

> Follow my tumblr for updates, art, requests, and more! (<https://worldofoasis.tumblr.com/>)

“Dia!”

Dia sighed, looking up from the stacks of paperwork she was filtering through. Ever since she inherited the family business, she’s been kept very busy. Not that Dia minded - she liked the sense of responsibility that came with the business.

Standing in the doorway was Mari - her girlfriend of many years - blonde hair scattered and messy but still luscious, and still done up in the silly little “6” loop that Dia found adorable but would never admit out loud. She was out of breath, leaning against the doorframe, but looking excitedly at Dia still.

“Dia!”

“You don’t have to shout. I can hear you, I’m right here…” Dia sighed, putting the paperwork away and sitting up, shuffling towards Mari. She was almost done anyway. “What is it?”

“Dia, I’m… _pregnant_!” Mari proclaimed, dramatically.

“What.” Dia said, flatly.

“And you’re the father!”

“ _What._ ” If Dia’s voice could be any more incredulous, it would be; but it couldn’t, so Dia just settled for staring at Mari as she usually did when Mari said something utterly ridiculous. “Excuse me?”

“I thought you can hear me.” Mari simpered, sidling up to Dia and snuggling up against her. Dia sighed again, but reluctantly (more reluctantly than she actually feels on the inside) she wrapped an arm around the girl. 

“I can. But you’re not making any sense.” Dia paused. “As per usual, I suppose. Is this another joke of yours, Mari?”

“Not this time!” Mari said, grinning and whipping out a home pregnancy test. “See?”

Dia stared at the indicator, confused. Indeed, it read positive. Dia looked up at Mari. “But… how? What? What’s going on here?”

“I’m pregnant!” Mari repeated happily, before leaning in and kissing Dia on the cheek. “And you’re the father!”

Dia furrowed her brow. “That… makes no sense. Do you even know how babies are made?”

“Well, when a mommy and a mommy love each other very much…” Mari began, but stopped as she heard the sound of the front door open then close again.

“I’m home…”

Kanan’s tired voice sounded, and reflexively Dia said: “Welcome back!”

“Welcome back, darling!” Mari detached herself from Dia, and as Kanan stumbled into the room, looking haggard but happy, Mari ran up to her and gave her a tackle-hug, which the woman barely caught.

“Oof!” Kanan chuckled, giving Mari a gentle kiss on the forehead when she looked up at Kanan expectantly. “You’re excited tonight. What’s the occasion?”

Mari smiled slyly at Kanan. “I’m pregnant!”

“…Are you, now?” Kanan raised her eyebrow.

“Dia’s the father!” Mari chirped, pointing at Dia.

Kanan gasped. “You’re cheating on me! You hussie!”

Dia face-palmed. “We’ve been dating for years, Kanan.”

“Oh…” Kanan blushed. “Right.”

She looked at Dia. “So… what’s this about knocking Mari up?”

“I didn’t!” Dia insisted. “I don’t even know _how!_ ”

“Well, you put your package in my oven, and then…” Mari gestured suggestively. “Bow chika wow wow. Baby happens.” She paused. “Chika doesn’t have to be involved if she doesn’t want to be.”

“What package?” Dia asked, rubbing the bridge of her nose incredulously. It was too late at night and she needed a drink before dealing with this kind of shenanigans.

Mari grinned. “This one.” She sauntered over to Dia, and reached down, giving Dia’s crotch a playful grope.

Dia froze. An unfamiliar - but pleasurable - sensation ran up her spine like an electric shock, and her mind went woozy for a moment. 

“What the—” Dia gaped, her legs turned to jelly. She staggered back and sat down on her chair, trying to catch her breath. “What was— wait, Mari?”

Mari had stepped - _sashayed_ \- sensually up to Dia, pushing her and the swivel chair all the way back against the back wall of the room. Trapped between the wall and Mari’s scorching gaze, Dia swallowed nervously, pushing weakly against her but gaining no ground. “Mari. This makes no sense. I don’t get it.”

“Shh…” Mari put a finger up to Dia’s lips, pressing down on them in a weirdly sexual way. Dia opened her mouth to protest, then Mari flat out put her finger into Dia’s mouth, which shut her up real good. “Come on, Dia. Just let it happen…”

She positioned her other finger at the center of Dia’s midriff, her touch seeming to burn straight through the thin fabric of Dia’s shirt. Dia stiffened (in both senses of the word), and Mari grinned slyly at her reaction. “See? It’s perfectly natural.”

Her hand slowly trailed down Dia’s body, tracing the lines of her abdomen with gentle, delicate touches. Dia groaned, and as Mari’s fingers wandered ever lower, she felt a mounting pressure in her nether regions that she had never felt before, like her pants were too tight. And hot. Was it just her, or was the room getting warmer.

“I-mm-don’t—…!” Dia stammered, but her voice failed her and all she could do was gasp when Mari finally hit home, brushing Dia’s groin with her wandering hand. “M-Mari—!” By an instinct Dia was fairly sure she didn’t possess until very recently, she bucked her hips, causing Mari to pull back a little and chuckle.

“Good girl.” Mari licked her lips, surveying her prize.

Dia swallowed nervously. She had no idea what was going on. Impossibly, it seemed Mari was correct, and she had indeed grown… that. Down there. In a panic, she looked pleadingly towards Kanan. “Kanan. I have -no- idea what’s going on, and I don’t know what’s going to happen, so—”

“Kanan, darling~” Mari’s voice had that sexy lilt to it, and Dia knew she couldn’t expect help from her. Kanan could never resist that voice. “Why don’t you come here and give me a hand?”

Kanan looked between Dia and Mari for a moment, before casually eying up Dia’s bulge. Dia squirmed as Kanan’s pensive gaze swept over her, and her hopes were dashed when the tall woman shrugged and stepped up behind Mari, giving Dia a mildly apologetic smile. 

“I knew you’d see sense, dear,” Mari purred, giving Kanan a peck on the cheek before dropping to her knees in front of Dia. Humming happily, she got between Dia’s thighs, her hands positioned over Dia’s zipper. “This is why I’d like you to wear dresses more…”

She gave Dia’s crotch a firm squeeze, and Dia bucked her hips again. “So much more accessible,” Mari said breathily, starting to pull the zipper down at a snail’s pace. 

Bit by bit, Dia felt the pressure down below lessen, every centimeter of the zipper being undone sending maddening vibrations through her lower body. She let out a whine without noticing, and only realized her mistake when Mari grinned.

“See? You’re getting into the swing of things.” Mari said, turning to look at Kanan. “Kanan, sweetie, come down here for a sec?”

“O…kay?” Kanan knelt down beside Mari, staring first at Dia’s crotch and then up at Dia herself, red in the face and trying her best to look anywhere but down at her two girlfriends. “This is pretty hot,” she admitted, chuckling to herself. 

“Can you do that fisherman’s thing? Estimating the weight of a fish?” Mari asked innocently, while continuing to slowly - painfully slowly - undo Dia’s zipper with little tugs and pulls.

“I… can.” Kanan said slowly, glancing at Mari. “Why?”

“Let’s just say that there’s a little something I want you to get a handful of…” Mari said playfully, finally reaching the end of the zipper. She stuck a finger in between the zips, and Dia found it impossible to suppress an escaped hiss of pleasure as Mari took her sweet time digging around for a moment before hooking her finger around…

Dia gulped. Direct contact made the whole thing so much more real. As Mari pulled her finger out, Dia found herself staring straight at a very impressively sized cock. _Her_ very impressively sized cock. It stood at half-mast, but already Dia was gobsmacked at how large it was. As well as the revelation that _she had a penis._

Mari whistled. “That’s a dick.”

“That is, indeed, a dick,” Kanan agreed. “Well observed, love.”

Mari glared at Kanan for a second, but quickly recovered and beckoned for her to come forward.

“Weigh that package.” She instructed, smiling. Kanan snorted at the bad pun, but moved forward, taking Dia’s shaft into her hand. Dia groaned immediately, overwhelmed by the pleasurable tingles shooting up her spine at the touch.

“Well…” Kanan hummed, seeming to give the task some serious thought. She rolled the length around in both hands, eliciting another groan from Dia to which she only responded by shushing Dia. “It’s pretty—…Let’s put it this way. If this was a fish… I’d totally eat it.”

Mari’s smile widened into a toothy grin. “Well. Shall we tuck in?”

“I don’t see why not.” Kanan shrugged.

“I do— eep!” Dia’s weak protestations were quickly silenced when Mari pushed her legs aside and took her cock into hand, giving it a good squeeze.

“I like to start with the head when eating fish,” Mari explained, leaning so close that Dia could feel the tingle of her warm breath on her cock. 

Kanan made a face. “That’s weird. You’re weird.”

“It’s a euphemism, sweetie.”

“I know, but-“

“Just suck the fucking dick, Matsuura.”

Kanan shrugged, and leaned in, licking Dia’s dick from top to bottom. Dia immediately bucked her hip, smacking Kanan with her meat while letting out a throaty groan. A single touch, and Dia already felt blinding pleasure coursing through her body.

“Well, it’s at least thrashing like a fresh catch,” Kanan chuckled, rubbing her cheek.

Mari snorted. “That’s it. I’m naming Dia’s dick Sashimi and there’s nothing anyone can do about it.”

“I object…” Dia muttered, but as Mari leaned in to start peppering her length with kisses, she devolved back to whimpering weakly, writhing as Mari started her ministrations in earnest.

“Kanan, suck.” She mumbled, while running her tongue up and down Dia’s shaft, coating it in a thin sheen of saliva. Dia moaned in pleasure, which only increased in intensity when Kanan leaned in and took the tip of Dia’s cock into her mouth, swishing her tongue around the head and relishing in Dia’s squirming. 

“You like that?” Mari asked through a mouthful of dick, looking up at Dia. Dia was gasping, her face completely red, her eyes a little unfocused. She stared uncomprehendingly at Dia for a moment before nodding, ever so slightly. Her pride said no, but no matter how much she denied it, she knew she had lost the moment she fell backwards into her chair.

Kanan chuckled, the sound sending vibrations down Dia’s length that only amplified the pleasure she was feeling, and redoubled her efforts, taking more of Dia’s cock into her mouth and starting to bob her head up and down. Mari, likewise, picked up the pace, putting her hands around Dia’s cock and pumping it at a regular beat.

Dia’s breathing was ragged, her hands balled up into fists and her nails digging into the flesh of her palm. Her teeth were gritted together, and her eyes were squeezed shut. Even if she opened her eyes she probably wouldn’t be able to comprehend anything through the blinding pleasure. 

“Kanan! M-Mari, I’m…!” Dia gasped, and with a shared look, Kanan and Mari picked up their pace even more, with Mari backing off so Kanan could take more of Dia into her mouth, taking almost her whole length down her throat. Bobbing her head up and down relentlessly, it was only a matter of seconds before Dia grabbed Kanan’s head and pushed her entire length down Kanan’s throat, groaning as she unloaded a torrent of cum into her.

Dia might’ve screamed, but honestly she wouldn’t be able to tell - she couldn’t see anything, hear anything, feel anything other than the blinding, dizzying pleasure running rampant through her body at that moment. When the waves of throbbing heat finally subsided, and control of her body returned to her, Dia slumped forward, right into Mari’s arms.

“Holy shit.” Dia muttered breathlessly.

“That’s exactly what you said when you put the baby in me.” Mari said, cradling Dia gently. 

Dia frowned. “I… still don’t remember that.”

Mari chuckled throatily, and leaned in close, whispering in Dia’s ear. “Why don’t I remind you with a… _reenactment_?”

She guided Dia’s hand under her dress, pressing her hand up against her soaked panties. Dia swallowed. The grin on Mari’s face was downright predatory. 

Dia made a noise that was a mix between a cough and a squeak. Despite just having blown her load, she already felt herself hardening again, a fact that Mari noticed gleefully. “I… uh…” She looked around, then down at Kanan, who was still recuperating from the deepthroat. Despite her best attempts at containment, the floor was still dirty with saliva and cum, which made Dia wince. “…Can we move this to the bedroom?”

Mari smiled and leaned in for a kiss, which Dia reciprocated readily. The kiss was different than usual - Dia wondered if it was herself she was tasting on Mari’s soft, hot lips. Pulling back, Mari glanced at Kanan as well, giving her a sultry smile. “Kanan?”

Kanan shook her head, wiping off the corner of her mouth and giving Mari a tired smile. “Nah. I’ll clean up here, then I’ll take a nap on the couch. I’m tapped out for tonight.”

Mari nodded, gave Kanan a peck on the lips as well, then eagerly dragged Dia off to the bedroom. What remained of their clothes were off in an instant, strewn about in a manner Dia would normally disapprove of, and before she knew what was going on Mari had straddled Dia on the bed, with Dia’s hands on Mari’s hips and her cock trapped beneath Mari’s entrance, the slick folds gliding along her length.

Dia moved to glance at the packs of condoms that she noticed resting on the bedside table, but Mari cupped her cheeks and forced her to look her in the eyes. Mari’s face was flushed, and her breathing was heavy. “Don’t bother. The thing with being pregnant…” She leaned in, whispering in Dia’s ear. “…It’s that you can’t get pregnant twice.”

Raw sex? With her freshly acquired penis? Dia’s eyes were wide as she stared at Mari. “Are… are you sure?”

Mari smirked and pushed down, grinding her entrance against Dia’s cock and causing her to choke up, silencing her questions. Each back and forth motion drove Dia crazy, but there was a burning sensation brewing in her gut that couldn’t quite be satisfied by the simple act.

“ _You know you want it_ ,” Mari murmured in Dia’s ears, her breath hot against Dia’s cheeks.

Dia swallowed, staring at the beautiful woman sitting atop of her, and gingerly, tentatively, pushed to lift Mari up. She raised her hip willingly, and Dia carefully positioned herself at Mari’s entrance. The moment her tip made contact with Mari’s dripping wet slit, it was like some primal switch was flipped in Dia’s mind, casting out any hesitation she might’ve had.

With a firm push, Dia eased her length past Mari’s moist entrance, the action eliciting a long moan from the both of them. Dia felt like she couldn’t breathe; just the act of entering her was mind-blowing, infinitely better than the blowjob she received from Kanan, and she had to exercise all of the self-restraint she had just to stop herself from immediately pounding Mari with all she was worth.

“Mmm…” Mari breathed, shimmying slightly to adjust her position. “I never get sick of that feeling…”

“Mari,” Dia gasped, the sensation of Mari moving while she was inside her driving her completely mad. She was hot inside - blisteringly hot, but somehow it didn’t hurt. In fact, it felt _good_. “Mari, I’m gonna move.”

Mari smirked. “Finally.” Her smirk quickly slipped, though, when Dia started to thrust, slowly at first, but quickly picking up her pace. Every time Dia pulled back and thrust back in, producing a satisfying slapping sound, Mari moaned happily, which only encouraged Dia to go even faster.

Dia’s movements were clumsy and inexperienced, but where she lacked in technique she made up for in passion. Stopping just as she was buried completely down to the hilt, Dia suddenly pulled Mari towards her, causing her to fall forward with a surprised squeak. Their lips met mid-way in a clashing kiss, rougher than Mari was used to, but still incredibly hot. As their tongues intertwined, Dia started thrusting again, practically grinding against Mari as their bodies were flush together in a passionate embrace. Even while held tight by Dia, Mari writhed with every thrust, her chest vibrating with a pleasurable hum that drove Dia nuts.

“On your back,” Dia murmured, breaking away from the kiss and pulling out momentarily to whisper in Mari’s ear. Mari whimpered at the sudden emptiness, and too lost in the carnal pleasures to argue, quickly complied, turning so that she lay on the bed instead of Dia. Dia briefly wondered at which point did the balance of power flip around, but as her eyes raked across the sight of her girlfriend, exposed and aroused, she decided it didn’t matter that much.

“You’re fucking gorgeous,” Dia muttered, just before she reached out and grabbed Mari’s left breast, fondling it for a moment then rolling her thumb over her nipple. Mari moaned at the new stimulation, which only increased in pitch when Dia pushed her cock back inside Mari, working back up to a slow steady pace.

Mari groaned appreciatively, and after throwing Dia a searing smirk, she lifted her legs and wrapped them around Dia’s waist, affording her better entry into her. Dia wasted no time to make use of the opportunity, thrusting ever deeper and doubling her efforts at stimulating Mari’s breasts, clamping her mouth around her right nipple and continuing to pinch and rub her left nipple. 

With the new angle, Dia was hitting Mari’s sweet spot with every thrust, and it was driving Mari crazy. She grabbed handfuls of the sheets, crying out as Dia pounded away at her mercilessly, her face flushed and sweaty, her eyes unfocused from the mind-blowing pleasure she was feeling in that moment. Dia could feel Mari clenching inside, her walls tightening around her cock and milking it vigorously, bringing her closer and closer to the edge.

“Mari, I’m- I’m gonna…” Dia grunted, her voice throaty and urgent. Her thrusting turned wild and desperate, putting her whole body’s weight into every push, reaching as deep into Mari as she could. Mari couldn’t even speak coherently anymore, just whimpering Dia’s name over and over as she clamped down around Dia’s shaft, burying her face into the crook of Dia’s neck.

Finally, Dia’s breathing hitched, and she groaned as she felt herself go over the edge, hilting herself into Mari and holding her there as she unloaded a torrent of cum into her, Mari crying out as well as she came, her arms wrapped around Dia, her nails digging into Dia’s back, but it didn’t even register in Dia’s mind as she rode out her climax, holding Mari close to her and breathing heavily.

Eventually, as Dia came down from her climax, she pulled out of Mari, relaxing as she lay down on the bed next to Mari. Mari sighed happily, pulling herself close to Dia and nestling up against her, resting her head against her chest.

“You’re warm.” Dia muttered, wrapping her arms around Mari.

“Pregnancy does that to a girl.” Mari smiled tiredly. She snuggled close to Dia, cradled in her arms, and gradually her breathing evened out as she drifted off to sleep.

Dia watched Mari’s sleeping face for a moment before sighing.

“…I still have no idea how I got my penis.”

**Author's Note:**

> Alt ending: And then Dia woke up, and decided to invest in strap-ons.
> 
> This started as a crackfic, then I thought I would include a bad sex scene as a gag, and then I had 3300 words of smutty futa action.


End file.
